NASCAR sucks. Big time.
Seriously, is anything a bigger waste of time and resources than watching a bunch of jerkoffs drive in circles, making left turn after left turn, in order to satisfy screaming hordes of inbred hicks who love "Junior" and "hate that faggot Gordon" (because he can speak proper English, probably), all the while becoming more and more inebriated and foul smelling than they were before they arrived?
Give it up, people. Nascar is not a sport. You need to demonstrate some kind of physical ability in order for it to qualify as a sport. Turning a steering wheel and sitting down? Not so much. I used to do that shit at Chuck E Cheese's when I was like six.
Do I have to spell it out for you? Here are some of the many, many reasons that Nascar is the worst thing on Earth.
1. Waste of resources. I'm no fucking hippy or anything, but with gas prices as high as they are right now, does anyone really think it's a good idea to cheer for cars with horrible fuel efficiency plow through hundreds of gallons of gas apiece (per race)? Really? I would like a figure on how many gallons of gas are used by all cars combined in an average race. You stupid idiots, if you want lower gas prices, stop supporting this worthless shit. It's a start! Also, and I'm sure on this, but I am willing to bet that all the exhaust from those cars probably eats a fair chunk out of the ozone layer. Thanks for accelerating global warming, dicks.
2. Inbred fanbase. I already touched on this, but let's just say that a good portion of fans who enjoy watching cars go really fast in an oval for 5 hours probably still have the confederate flag hanging somewhere in their hovel. Also they probably smell bad and use lowbrow phrases to communicate with each other. Not to mention that they have sex with their relatives. I know some people out there will say "some Nascar fans are cultured and intelligent, blah blah"... but they are liars.
3. They're all whores. How many fucking ads can they fit on those fucking cars? You stupid corporate tools, if you want to watch billboards all day long, take your lawnchair and personal cooler and sit on the interstate. Or better yet, kill yourselves. Also they cover their suits with ads. Oh great, so he is sponsored by Meineke, Arby's, Sprite, KY Jelly, Tampax, HBO, Excedrin, David's Sunflower Seeds, Sony, Mead, Hewlett-Packard, Timex, Entertainment Weekly, Bic, Gilette, Paramount Pictures, Nerf, Publix Grocery Stores, and 20th Century Fox. This is the sport of kings, pure and true. Stupid sellout whores. Also, what is with all the alcohol ads? I mean, I'm a fan of the sauce and all, but is it a good idea to advertise Jack Daniels and Jim Beam on cars going 200 miles per hour? Great message, combining hard liquor with high speed autos. Fucking morons.
4. Booooooring!!! Uh, they're just driving in an oval. And this is exciting HOW?
5. Wussy drivers. You know when you see some guys pushing each other like 12 year old girls because one of them hit the other during the race? That shit makes me laugh. Even the guys on SportsCenter laugh at that. Plus, they act like hard-asses and like they're going to fight and shit, but they have these huge helmets on and they look like baby Stormtroopers. I could personally beat the shit out of every single Nascar driver and their entire pit teams in 3 hours flat. Speaking of which...
6. Pit crews! Talk about worthless. These guys run around and change tires and shit, and this is where most fans say "it gets interesting". Why? I can see that shit at fucking Jiffy Lube. So far you're watching cars drive in circles, and getting excited when someone stops for a tire rotation. I can feel the excitement. It is kind of funny when a pit crew guy gets set on fire or run over or something, though.
Oh, there are so many more reasons, but I tire of talking about this worthless psuedo sport. It's bad enough it has to infiltrate itself into virtually every third commercial I see on TV nowadays... nevermind, it's too frustrating. You want to watch 40 identical cars drive in circles? Fine. Have a fucking blast, you mentally challenged flock of human waste. Just know that all you Nascar fans will surely burn in hell for all eternity for ushering in Armaggeddon. But hey, at least you'll get to meet your favorite drivers - they'll all be there too.
Fucking jerks. Wise up.
Give it up, people. Nascar is not a sport. You need to demonstrate some kind of physical ability in order for it to qualify as a sport. Turning a steering wheel and sitting down? Not so much. I used to do that shit at Chuck E Cheese's when I was like six.
Do I have to spell it out for you? Here are some of the many, many reasons that Nascar is the worst thing on Earth.
1. Waste of resources. I'm no fucking hippy or anything, but with gas prices as high as they are right now, does anyone really think it's a good idea to cheer for cars with horrible fuel efficiency plow through hundreds of gallons of gas apiece (per race)? Really? I would like a figure on how many gallons of gas are used by all cars combined in an average race. You stupid idiots, if you want lower gas prices, stop supporting this worthless shit. It's a start! Also, and I'm sure on this, but I am willing to bet that all the exhaust from those cars probably eats a fair chunk out of the ozone layer. Thanks for accelerating global warming, dicks.
2. Inbred fanbase. I already touched on this, but let's just say that a good portion of fans who enjoy watching cars go really fast in an oval for 5 hours probably still have the confederate flag hanging somewhere in their hovel. Also they probably smell bad and use lowbrow phrases to communicate with each other. Not to mention that they have sex with their relatives. I know some people out there will say "some Nascar fans are cultured and intelligent, blah blah"... but they are liars.
3. They're all whores. How many fucking ads can they fit on those fucking cars? You stupid corporate tools, if you want to watch billboards all day long, take your lawnchair and personal cooler and sit on the interstate. Or better yet, kill yourselves. Also they cover their suits with ads. Oh great, so he is sponsored by Meineke, Arby's, Sprite, KY Jelly, Tampax, HBO, Excedrin, David's Sunflower Seeds, Sony, Mead, Hewlett-Packard, Timex, Entertainment Weekly, Bic, Gilette, Paramount Pictures, Nerf, Publix Grocery Stores, and 20th Century Fox. This is the sport of kings, pure and true. Stupid sellout whores. Also, what is with all the alcohol ads? I mean, I'm a fan of the sauce and all, but is it a good idea to advertise Jack Daniels and Jim Beam on cars going 200 miles per hour? Great message, combining hard liquor with high speed autos. Fucking morons.
4. Booooooring!!! Uh, they're just driving in an oval. And this is exciting HOW?
5. Wussy drivers. You know when you see some guys pushing each other like 12 year old girls because one of them hit the other during the race? That shit makes me laugh. Even the guys on SportsCenter laugh at that. Plus, they act like hard-asses and like they're going to fight and shit, but they have these huge helmets on and they look like baby Stormtroopers. I could personally beat the shit out of every single Nascar driver and their entire pit teams in 3 hours flat. Speaking of which...
6. Pit crews! Talk about worthless. These guys run around and change tires and shit, and this is where most fans say "it gets interesting". Why? I can see that shit at fucking Jiffy Lube. So far you're watching cars drive in circles, and getting excited when someone stops for a tire rotation. I can feel the excitement. It is kind of funny when a pit crew guy gets set on fire or run over or something, though.
Oh, there are so many more reasons, but I tire of talking about this worthless psuedo sport. It's bad enough it has to infiltrate itself into virtually every third commercial I see on TV nowadays... nevermind, it's too frustrating. You want to watch 40 identical cars drive in circles? Fine. Have a fucking blast, you mentally challenged flock of human waste. Just know that all you Nascar fans will surely burn in hell for all eternity for ushering in Armaggeddon. But hey, at least you'll get to meet your favorite drivers - they'll all be there too.
Fucking jerks. Wise up.
posted by guru at 5:56 PM
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