There will be fucking murders, and other things
"American Idol" is one of those things that really pisses me off. It has no right to, its just another low-brow reality show that brainwashes millions of suggestive idiots into buying / watching something they wouldn't normally buy / watch. But I was reading while a certain someone, who shall remain nameless, was watching the last show, or next to last show, or something, tonight. Let me tell you - it was the worst television program I have ever seen. The absolute worst.
First and foremost, Paula Abdul is a fucking disaster. She is a disgrace to humanity. The fact that someone has not killed her yet is incredible to me. She talks like she is loaded all the time. Not that I have a problem with that, but she sounds like a fucking idiot. When I am drunk, I still make sense. She also claps like a retard. Honestly, who claps with their fingers spread apart like that? She looks like she belongs in the "special room" at school. Everything she says is completely and utterly worthless. She praises everyone, every single time. Everything was good. Everything was special. Everyone is talented. And every time a man performs, she looks and acts like she is about to cream her pants in delight. From the looks of things, I would guess that Paula Abdul has not been laid in about 8 or 9 years. I guess that would lead to a drinking problem for anyone. Also, she constantly interrupts the other judges when they are trying to say their own opinions. In the words of Samson Simpson: shutup, bitch!
Also, on this last (or second last, I don't care and wasn't paying enough attention to find out) show, they give the final contestants their "first single" to sing live. It is some crappy, piece of shit ballad that sounds like verbal feces. It is soft. It is sappy and ham-fisted. Even the judges hated the songs! Hilarious, considering that the contestants did not pick them at all. For some reason, a choir always comes out to sing with the contestant about halfway through the song. I guess this is meant to add drama and flair, but instead it comes off as cheesy and weak. Just like the show itself. If anyone actually enjoyed this show, email me your address and I will come to your house and kick the shit out of you, because you are an impressionable, worthless piece of trash who is incapable of thinking for his/herself. This was the bottom rung of entertainment, people.
Finally, I must adress the contestants themselves. The way that the judges talked, this fruity guy with gray hair who must be at least 45 is going to win this contest. And I must say, that is a fucking travesty. Because the other contestant, a younger female, is clearly the better singer. And she is more marketable. This is my way of saying that she is fucking HOT. Her name is Katherine or something, and she is absolutely beautiful. I think I might be in love with her, but some old fucking grandpa will win instead, only to fall off the earth in about 3 months just like every other worthless winner of this pointless contest.
Katherine, marry me. Everyone else, you suck and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and only you. Kiss my ass, you rotten motherfuckers.
Now, onto the NBA playoffs. I love the playoffs, but one thing is really pissing me off. It has been ever since 2002.
The God-awful officiating. The NBA has the worst officials, hands down, of any major sport, ever. The refs FREQUENTLY decide the outcomes of games, and that sucks. Without shitty officiating, the Sacramento Kings would have gone to the NBA Finals in 2002 instead of the Lakers. It is beyond infuriating to watch the horrible, inconsistent calls. It makes me want to spew vomit. Without shitty refs, the Mavericks would have beaten the Spurs by 30 points two last night. Instead, it took overtime. The Mavs still won, which shows you just how fucking good they are. Here are some fun facts.
Tim Duncan nearly shot more free throws than the entire Dallas team combined. It was bullshit call after bullshit call. Every time someone breathed on that faggot cocksucker Duncan they called a foul. If they didn't, he turned around and cried like a woman. He did the same thing when he was called for a foul. This just in: Tim Duncan has never, ever committed a foul in his life. Ever. Everyone always says how he is so "underrated", and doesn't get the credit he deserves, and all that other bullshit. He is the most overrated player in the entire world right now. He is slow, stiff, and moves like a fucking robot. He can't shoot for shit, and has to rely on no-calls and dubious fouls on the other team to get his points. He is breaking down. Face it. MVP Tim Duncan is no more.
3 Mavericks fouled out, one in 13 minutes (!) and another in 25. Devin Harris had 5 fouls. The Mavs played 10 guys and ended up with 33 fouls. The Spurs, 8 guys and 25. No one fouled out. Even though Duncan went over the back on every single rebound he had, and that ugly balding turd Ginobli is a walking charge.
Fuck you, Dick Bavetta. I hate you. Let the best players decide who wins the game. The Mavs were better. Thank God they overcame the extra three players the Spurs had on the court last night.
Dirk rules. Fuck you, Duncan, you crybaby pussy.
First and foremost, Paula Abdul is a fucking disaster. She is a disgrace to humanity. The fact that someone has not killed her yet is incredible to me. She talks like she is loaded all the time. Not that I have a problem with that, but she sounds like a fucking idiot. When I am drunk, I still make sense. She also claps like a retard. Honestly, who claps with their fingers spread apart like that? She looks like she belongs in the "special room" at school. Everything she says is completely and utterly worthless. She praises everyone, every single time. Everything was good. Everything was special. Everyone is talented. And every time a man performs, she looks and acts like she is about to cream her pants in delight. From the looks of things, I would guess that Paula Abdul has not been laid in about 8 or 9 years. I guess that would lead to a drinking problem for anyone. Also, she constantly interrupts the other judges when they are trying to say their own opinions. In the words of Samson Simpson: shutup, bitch!
Also, on this last (or second last, I don't care and wasn't paying enough attention to find out) show, they give the final contestants their "first single" to sing live. It is some crappy, piece of shit ballad that sounds like verbal feces. It is soft. It is sappy and ham-fisted. Even the judges hated the songs! Hilarious, considering that the contestants did not pick them at all. For some reason, a choir always comes out to sing with the contestant about halfway through the song. I guess this is meant to add drama and flair, but instead it comes off as cheesy and weak. Just like the show itself. If anyone actually enjoyed this show, email me your address and I will come to your house and kick the shit out of you, because you are an impressionable, worthless piece of trash who is incapable of thinking for his/herself. This was the bottom rung of entertainment, people.
Finally, I must adress the contestants themselves. The way that the judges talked, this fruity guy with gray hair who must be at least 45 is going to win this contest. And I must say, that is a fucking travesty. Because the other contestant, a younger female, is clearly the better singer. And she is more marketable. This is my way of saying that she is fucking HOT. Her name is Katherine or something, and she is absolutely beautiful. I think I might be in love with her, but some old fucking grandpa will win instead, only to fall off the earth in about 3 months just like every other worthless winner of this pointless contest.
Katherine, marry me. Everyone else, you suck and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and only you. Kiss my ass, you rotten motherfuckers.
Now, onto the NBA playoffs. I love the playoffs, but one thing is really pissing me off. It has been ever since 2002.
The God-awful officiating. The NBA has the worst officials, hands down, of any major sport, ever. The refs FREQUENTLY decide the outcomes of games, and that sucks. Without shitty officiating, the Sacramento Kings would have gone to the NBA Finals in 2002 instead of the Lakers. It is beyond infuriating to watch the horrible, inconsistent calls. It makes me want to spew vomit. Without shitty refs, the Mavericks would have beaten the Spurs by 30 points two last night. Instead, it took overtime. The Mavs still won, which shows you just how fucking good they are. Here are some fun facts.
Tim Duncan nearly shot more free throws than the entire Dallas team combined. It was bullshit call after bullshit call. Every time someone breathed on that faggot cocksucker Duncan they called a foul. If they didn't, he turned around and cried like a woman. He did the same thing when he was called for a foul. This just in: Tim Duncan has never, ever committed a foul in his life. Ever. Everyone always says how he is so "underrated", and doesn't get the credit he deserves, and all that other bullshit. He is the most overrated player in the entire world right now. He is slow, stiff, and moves like a fucking robot. He can't shoot for shit, and has to rely on no-calls and dubious fouls on the other team to get his points. He is breaking down. Face it. MVP Tim Duncan is no more.
3 Mavericks fouled out, one in 13 minutes (!) and another in 25. Devin Harris had 5 fouls. The Mavs played 10 guys and ended up with 33 fouls. The Spurs, 8 guys and 25. No one fouled out. Even though Duncan went over the back on every single rebound he had, and that ugly balding turd Ginobli is a walking charge.
Fuck you, Dick Bavetta. I hate you. Let the best players decide who wins the game. The Mavs were better. Thank God they overcame the extra three players the Spurs had on the court last night.
Dirk rules. Fuck you, Duncan, you crybaby pussy.
Labels: anger, basketball
posted by guru at 8:17 PM
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