I feel like Tony Soprano
Talking to a therapist about what bothers me feels about as natural as shaving my balls. It's cold, unfamiliar, and you're not sure if people are going to be thrilled with the results. Either way, today my anger management started. It was... interesting.
She seemed more interested in the trauma I had been through than my actual anger problem. She seemed amazed and stunned at how composed and calm I was during our session, which is all part of my act. I can be perfectly civil when need be. She remarked several times how articulate and aware I was.
No shit.
Anyway, here are some verbatim quotes from me, during this hour and ten minutes:
"It's like I can't wait to tell everyone why I am right, and they are wrong."
"I rip what people enjoy apart, and then it's almost like I challenge them to try and do something to me, verbally or physically, to prove me wrong. I am daring people to contest me, and no one takes my offer."
"If the mood strikes me, I can drink far more than that."
She actually asked about my drinking. Oh well. I lied for now. Drinking is not my problem. I drink to dull my anger. I drink to forget my feelings. I drink because I feel invincible. OK, that is a problem, but it pales in comparison to whatever else I have going on. And plus, that has nothing to do with why I am there. I am not there to work on my drinking. I am there to alleviate my anger. It's good to have some, it gives me my edge, it keeps me sharp. But too much is a burden and is affecting everything I do. Why should I care if you assholes like American Idol? YOU are the idiots, not me. YOU suck for listening to Ashlee Simpson, and watching Desperate Housewives, not me. YOU. Suck my cock.
I know with a little help, I can let it go. But I don't want to let it all go. I like arguing. I'm good at it. It's fun to me. I like making others feel stupid. LOVE it even.
Well, maybe I'm on the road to recovery. Maybe not. Should be interesting. Everyone who hears what I've been through seems honestly amazed that I can talk about it at all. Sure, its been a tough road at times. But unlike most of you pussies, I don't blame my problems on everyone else. I shoulder it, I take it and carry the weight, no matter how fucking heavy it is. That's where I differ from most people; they cry like fags, and I get mad. I focus my anger on people that deserve my wrath. Or at least I try to.
So to everyone who doesn't like it: blow me. You know me, you know what I am and what I do. My life is an open book. So if you have a problem with me, either say it to me or shut your worthless mouth. No one cares about people without the guts to say it to someone's face. If you trust other people's opinions over your own feelings, I hate your fucking guts. If you are a back talker, I hope you choke to death. If you lie to people that you say are important to you, you should be executed. And if you are a low I.Q. idiot who breeds and breeds with no regard for ramifications, only concentrating on the fact that "babies are cute", then I hate you the most. No one wants to be with people like you. That's why you have kids and no husband. Enjoy being slightly below mediocre for the rest of your life.
God, I have women issues. I wonder why?
Women are sluts. I hate you all, unless you are hot and want to have sex with me.
She seemed more interested in the trauma I had been through than my actual anger problem. She seemed amazed and stunned at how composed and calm I was during our session, which is all part of my act. I can be perfectly civil when need be. She remarked several times how articulate and aware I was.
No shit.
Anyway, here are some verbatim quotes from me, during this hour and ten minutes:
"It's like I can't wait to tell everyone why I am right, and they are wrong."
"I rip what people enjoy apart, and then it's almost like I challenge them to try and do something to me, verbally or physically, to prove me wrong. I am daring people to contest me, and no one takes my offer."
"If the mood strikes me, I can drink far more than that."
She actually asked about my drinking. Oh well. I lied for now. Drinking is not my problem. I drink to dull my anger. I drink to forget my feelings. I drink because I feel invincible. OK, that is a problem, but it pales in comparison to whatever else I have going on. And plus, that has nothing to do with why I am there. I am not there to work on my drinking. I am there to alleviate my anger. It's good to have some, it gives me my edge, it keeps me sharp. But too much is a burden and is affecting everything I do. Why should I care if you assholes like American Idol? YOU are the idiots, not me. YOU suck for listening to Ashlee Simpson, and watching Desperate Housewives, not me. YOU. Suck my cock.
I know with a little help, I can let it go. But I don't want to let it all go. I like arguing. I'm good at it. It's fun to me. I like making others feel stupid. LOVE it even.
Well, maybe I'm on the road to recovery. Maybe not. Should be interesting. Everyone who hears what I've been through seems honestly amazed that I can talk about it at all. Sure, its been a tough road at times. But unlike most of you pussies, I don't blame my problems on everyone else. I shoulder it, I take it and carry the weight, no matter how fucking heavy it is. That's where I differ from most people; they cry like fags, and I get mad. I focus my anger on people that deserve my wrath. Or at least I try to.
So to everyone who doesn't like it: blow me. You know me, you know what I am and what I do. My life is an open book. So if you have a problem with me, either say it to me or shut your worthless mouth. No one cares about people without the guts to say it to someone's face. If you trust other people's opinions over your own feelings, I hate your fucking guts. If you are a back talker, I hope you choke to death. If you lie to people that you say are important to you, you should be executed. And if you are a low I.Q. idiot who breeds and breeds with no regard for ramifications, only concentrating on the fact that "babies are cute", then I hate you the most. No one wants to be with people like you. That's why you have kids and no husband. Enjoy being slightly below mediocre for the rest of your life.
God, I have women issues. I wonder why?
Women are sluts. I hate you all, unless you are hot and want to have sex with me.
Labels: anger
posted by guru at 9:16 PM
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