Artists who should die, part 1

Chris Brown: You're weak. You have high opinion of yourself, but in reality, you're like 6th on the generic R&B singer scale, behind Ne-Yo, Akon, Usher, and a few others. You're not offering anything new. You're not funny. You suck at singing. Die. No one cares that "you're back". How embarrassing for you.

Alicia Keys: Your last name isn't "Keys". Fucking stop it. We get it, you play the piano. How impressive. A hundred million assholes could play the piano like you, and scream into the mic like you about bullshit. You suck. You think you're all soulful, and street, but you actually suck balls. Also, your ass and legs are fat. And I don't mean attractively fat, I mean, "Jesus Christ, am I having sex with William 'Refrigerator' Perry" fat. Try a treadmill, you fat bitch.

Timbaland: Give it up. You'll never be Dr. Dre. The Doc is a FUCKING LEGEND. You would give both your legs to have "Nothin' But a G Thang" or "Dre Day" in your catalog, but all you actually got is shitty Magoo songs, and some Nelly Furtado (tell her I want to grab her ass) and Justin Timberlake (total fag) songs in you repertoire. Also, no one buys your shitty solo albums. Self esteem check!

Soulja Boy: You're the death of rap. I don't blame you, but you are the worst rapper ever. And I don't mean the worst rapper in the history of the world. I'm sure there are humans who have been worse rappers than you, but luckily for everyone, they didn't decide to become rappers. You're the worst rapper who ever became a rapper. I hate you, and I hope you get raped by an elephant. Die, please.

Colbie Caillat: I HATE Myspace. So die. You're ugly and generic and 20 years ago you would have been living in a dumpster next to Sean Kingston. Please die accordingly, fat whore. You have the most generic lyrics of all time. A quick barometer on how to tell if you are dealing with a fucking moron: ask them if they like the song "Bubbly". If they do, kill them. You'll be doing mankind a favor.