An open letter to my ex girlfriend
Yes, this is going to sound bitter and one sided. But, trust me, this cunt has it coming.
Dear stupid cunt,
Allow me to be the voice of reason, since you have the IQ of a potato. I was an asshole when we dated; I was insensitive, and I don't care about the feelings of others. You pointed it out, and you were actually right about it. However, the way you act like you are constantly RIGHT (factually correct) about everything is comical. Only a retard would think that they are never wrong.
Ooooh, your poor feelings were hurt? Poor baby! Tough shit. Who gives a shit about your birthday? And don't play like you weren't with me because I got money. Every sentence you ever said to me basically equated to, "buy me things!" Basically, (crude alert) the only reason I was ever nice to you at all after we broke up is because you let me cum in your mouth. That shit goes a long way, after all.
And this thing with you bringing up my best friend, who tragically died a month after his 21st birthday, to make me feel guilty... fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. What kind of person says that? My worst enemies know that talking about him to spite me is insensitive. Hitler wouldn't have brought that up even if JD was Jewish. I don't know why, but I expected more from you.
I am a funny motherfucker. I know you don't think so, because your idea of "funny" comes from "Friends" and "Sex & the City", but every other person thinks I am. I subscribe to the South Park school of comedy. That is, either everything is alright to make fun of, or nothing is. I don't get offended by jokes. I don't get offended by anything. I basically don't care. It makes me immune to criticism. It's one of my best qualities (or, one of my worst, depending on who you ask). However, I am sort of a hypocrite in this case. There is one thing that offends me.
If you make light of the death of a person who was like a brother to me; who I grew up with, went to preschool through college with, who was my best friend for 21 years, then I take offense. It just proves that you are a hateful, unintelligent bitch. You will say anything to make me upset. Ooooh, you went out to a bar and had fun, and took pictures with you vapid, punchable friends? I don't care. I'm shit faced like every night, and you don't see me taking stupid fucking pictures in dumb ass poses so I can tell everyone else how kick-ass I am.
Your moron kid doesn't remember me anymore? Don't care. (I hope she remembers her dad though, he's a real winner.)
So, you bring up the one thing that is guaranteed to make me fucking furious, and then act like you didn't do anything wrong. You're a bitch. A hateful, unintelligent bitch. And you're not just the regular kind of stupid; you're the worst kind. The kind that is stupid, but doesn't think they're stupid. The kind that votes for George Bush twice. The kind that has a limited vocabulary, but still tries to use big words, only they misuse or mispronounce them. The kind that after you correct them, they always, ALWAYS say, "Oh yeah. I knew that!"
And even better! You won't apologize! Shocking! You've never apologized for anything in your life, because nothing is your fault, it's always someone else's. Know what? I think you know that the shit you said was wrong. I think you fucking know it, but won't apologize because you can't stand to be wrong. You're too used to being the victim. If you can't hold something over someone's head, you have nothing to talk about. This is why your friends, your own family, think you are a bitch. Your dad told me that he wanted to punch you once. It was when we were moving all your shitty furniture into your shitty apartment. He apologized to me, saying, "I know you love her..." or "I know she's your girlfriend", or something like that. It was because you were crying when your shitty entertainment center broke (the one I had to put together because you're fucking incompetent, and you stupidly threw away the assembly instructions) and he was mad that you were just crying and not helping to bring anything in. Maybe he didn't say "I want to punch her" in those exact words, but he said something like, "sometimes I just want to hit her...". Want to know what I said?
"I don't care. You can hit her if you want. She's your daughter."
So, keep being stupid. Keep thinking you matter. Keep thinking that because you have a shitty job, and a shitty apartment, and a shitty associates degree from a tech college, that your shit doesn't stink. Keep thinking that everyone but you is the source of your problems. I'm sure that'll work out well for you. And, judging from you angry and confusing reaction to the news that I am having casual sex with other females, I would guess that it's not working out well at all, and your vibrator is going through a lot of batteries. Eat shit. What did you think, that I would sit alone and cry about you for the rest of my life?
If I could boil down the differences between you and me, in a nutshell, it would read like this: I know I'm a fucked up, weird guy with some issues. But I'm also a smart, handsome, funny, charismatic guy who cooks, reads, and builds furniture in his free time. Contrast that with you: insecure, out of shape, stupid, filthy, unskilled, and you think that everything that happens to you is someone else's fault.
Maybe I have issues. But I don't go around claiming to be perfect. I know my shortcomings; I'm an insensitive asshole. You are completely unwilling and unable to admit any shortcomings that you have. And yes, that makes me better than you. Much, much better.
You're a hateful, stupid person. The last thing I read was "No Country for Old Men", an acclaimed book written by a person who many literary critics have claimed to be America's greatest living author. And the last thing you read was probably "US Weekly" so you could learn that "John Mayer is cheating on Jessica Simpson!! LOL". And then you went to post some stupid crap on your MySpace page about how you just want "to have the good things in life... don't hate on me... people always want to see you fall," or some shit. And your 36 MySpace friends sent you bulletins like "hang in there, beautiful!" or whatever. How fulfilling.
You're an idiot. But when you die alone, you'll probably realize that no one wanted to be with a girl who was so self important that they wanted everyone to adjust their life to her shitty schedule because you were saddled with a kid you didn't want.
Like I've said to you before. You want it to be one way. You want it to be one way... but it's the other way.
Fuck you.
Dear stupid cunt,
Allow me to be the voice of reason, since you have the IQ of a potato. I was an asshole when we dated; I was insensitive, and I don't care about the feelings of others. You pointed it out, and you were actually right about it. However, the way you act like you are constantly RIGHT (factually correct) about everything is comical. Only a retard would think that they are never wrong.
Ooooh, your poor feelings were hurt? Poor baby! Tough shit. Who gives a shit about your birthday? And don't play like you weren't with me because I got money. Every sentence you ever said to me basically equated to, "buy me things!" Basically, (crude alert) the only reason I was ever nice to you at all after we broke up is because you let me cum in your mouth. That shit goes a long way, after all.
And this thing with you bringing up my best friend, who tragically died a month after his 21st birthday, to make me feel guilty... fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. What kind of person says that? My worst enemies know that talking about him to spite me is insensitive. Hitler wouldn't have brought that up even if JD was Jewish. I don't know why, but I expected more from you.
I am a funny motherfucker. I know you don't think so, because your idea of "funny" comes from "Friends" and "Sex & the City", but every other person thinks I am. I subscribe to the South Park school of comedy. That is, either everything is alright to make fun of, or nothing is. I don't get offended by jokes. I don't get offended by anything. I basically don't care. It makes me immune to criticism. It's one of my best qualities (or, one of my worst, depending on who you ask). However, I am sort of a hypocrite in this case. There is one thing that offends me.
If you make light of the death of a person who was like a brother to me; who I grew up with, went to preschool through college with, who was my best friend for 21 years, then I take offense. It just proves that you are a hateful, unintelligent bitch. You will say anything to make me upset. Ooooh, you went out to a bar and had fun, and took pictures with you vapid, punchable friends? I don't care. I'm shit faced like every night, and you don't see me taking stupid fucking pictures in dumb ass poses so I can tell everyone else how kick-ass I am.
Your moron kid doesn't remember me anymore? Don't care. (I hope she remembers her dad though, he's a real winner.)
So, you bring up the one thing that is guaranteed to make me fucking furious, and then act like you didn't do anything wrong. You're a bitch. A hateful, unintelligent bitch. And you're not just the regular kind of stupid; you're the worst kind. The kind that is stupid, but doesn't think they're stupid. The kind that votes for George Bush twice. The kind that has a limited vocabulary, but still tries to use big words, only they misuse or mispronounce them. The kind that after you correct them, they always, ALWAYS say, "Oh yeah. I knew that!"
And even better! You won't apologize! Shocking! You've never apologized for anything in your life, because nothing is your fault, it's always someone else's. Know what? I think you know that the shit you said was wrong. I think you fucking know it, but won't apologize because you can't stand to be wrong. You're too used to being the victim. If you can't hold something over someone's head, you have nothing to talk about. This is why your friends, your own family, think you are a bitch. Your dad told me that he wanted to punch you once. It was when we were moving all your shitty furniture into your shitty apartment. He apologized to me, saying, "I know you love her..." or "I know she's your girlfriend", or something like that. It was because you were crying when your shitty entertainment center broke (the one I had to put together because you're fucking incompetent, and you stupidly threw away the assembly instructions) and he was mad that you were just crying and not helping to bring anything in. Maybe he didn't say "I want to punch her" in those exact words, but he said something like, "sometimes I just want to hit her...". Want to know what I said?
"I don't care. You can hit her if you want. She's your daughter."
So, keep being stupid. Keep thinking you matter. Keep thinking that because you have a shitty job, and a shitty apartment, and a shitty associates degree from a tech college, that your shit doesn't stink. Keep thinking that everyone but you is the source of your problems. I'm sure that'll work out well for you. And, judging from you angry and confusing reaction to the news that I am having casual sex with other females, I would guess that it's not working out well at all, and your vibrator is going through a lot of batteries. Eat shit. What did you think, that I would sit alone and cry about you for the rest of my life?
If I could boil down the differences between you and me, in a nutshell, it would read like this: I know I'm a fucked up, weird guy with some issues. But I'm also a smart, handsome, funny, charismatic guy who cooks, reads, and builds furniture in his free time. Contrast that with you: insecure, out of shape, stupid, filthy, unskilled, and you think that everything that happens to you is someone else's fault.
Maybe I have issues. But I don't go around claiming to be perfect. I know my shortcomings; I'm an insensitive asshole. You are completely unwilling and unable to admit any shortcomings that you have. And yes, that makes me better than you. Much, much better.
You're a hateful, stupid person. The last thing I read was "No Country for Old Men", an acclaimed book written by a person who many literary critics have claimed to be America's greatest living author. And the last thing you read was probably "US Weekly" so you could learn that "John Mayer is cheating on Jessica Simpson!! LOL". And then you went to post some stupid crap on your MySpace page about how you just want "to have the good things in life... don't hate on me... people always want to see you fall," or some shit. And your 36 MySpace friends sent you bulletins like "hang in there, beautiful!" or whatever. How fulfilling.
You're an idiot. But when you die alone, you'll probably realize that no one wanted to be with a girl who was so self important that they wanted everyone to adjust their life to her shitty schedule because you were saddled with a kid you didn't want.
Like I've said to you before. You want it to be one way. You want it to be one way... but it's the other way.
Fuck you.
posted by guru at 11:19 PM
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