I weep for the future
Of college basketball, that is. Florida just won the NCAA tournament, and I have seen quite possibly the worst team ever to win a title at the college level. Their "best player", Joakim Noah, pretty much is guaranteed to suck if he goes pro. Here's why.
1. He can't shoot for shit. He isn't really even that effective down low, unless he's charging down the lane for a dunk (he won't be able to dunk on Garnett, Dwight Howard, et. al).
2. He is average athletically.
3. He can handle the ball, but he travels way too often. At least 4 called travels in the last 2 games (!) and at least 4-6 others that were not called. Too indecisive, and picks his dribble up too often.
4. Nice at blocking shots, but doesn't get much lift when he jumps and he tends to catch the opponent on his elbow when blocking, only it doesn't get called.
5. He is too narrow to really fill out, making his current weight of 220 pretty much as heavy as he will be. He could add a little muscle, but playing inside with monsters like Greg Oden and Howard and Amare Stoudemire seems pretty fucking unlikely.
He is a pretty good passer, and he does run the floor really well. But unless he can surprise me by adding a lot of weight / strength or learning how to shoot, he will be a mediocre energy guy off someone's bench, like Mark Madsen or Brian Cardinal. Only Cardinal can shoot.
I think that the best pro prospect on Florida is center Al Horford, who is much stronger, athletic, and just as good running the floor, passing, and blocking shots as Noah. So why is no one comparing him to Magic Johnson? That comparison is so stupid, I hope Johnson is offended. Johnson is one of the five greatest basketball players ever to walk the earth.
Also, Corey Brewer has a nice shot, pretty good athleticism, and plays really nice D, but he can't create his own shot to save his life and is below average at handling the ball. Also, he is skinny and weak.
Their point guard, Taurean Green, played a nice game, but he is too content to sit at the top of the key and launch flat looking three pointers early in the shot clock. Also, what is with the skin?
But the main reason I'm upset about Florida? That Noah is so fucking ugly. He has awful acne, a huge gap between his front teeth, and terrible woman hair. He looks like he came from Three Mile Island for Christ's sake. And we get it - his dad played tennis, no one cares because no one gives a fuck about tennis. And isn't he from France or something? Or maybe Brooklyn? So why in the fuck was he telling Harlem to "stand up" after the game was over? I'm guessing he heard it in a rap song and thought it sounded cool.
He thought he was cool during the game, too, and was winking at UCLA cheerleaders. I could practically hear them vomit from my house. UCLA cheerleaders probably can have any guy they want, so what would they want with an extra from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video? What a sick-looking freak. They could find better looking guys at the LA homeless shelter if they wanted.
1. He can't shoot for shit. He isn't really even that effective down low, unless he's charging down the lane for a dunk (he won't be able to dunk on Garnett, Dwight Howard, et. al).
2. He is average athletically.
3. He can handle the ball, but he travels way too often. At least 4 called travels in the last 2 games (!) and at least 4-6 others that were not called. Too indecisive, and picks his dribble up too often.
4. Nice at blocking shots, but doesn't get much lift when he jumps and he tends to catch the opponent on his elbow when blocking, only it doesn't get called.
5. He is too narrow to really fill out, making his current weight of 220 pretty much as heavy as he will be. He could add a little muscle, but playing inside with monsters like Greg Oden and Howard and Amare Stoudemire seems pretty fucking unlikely.
He is a pretty good passer, and he does run the floor really well. But unless he can surprise me by adding a lot of weight / strength or learning how to shoot, he will be a mediocre energy guy off someone's bench, like Mark Madsen or Brian Cardinal. Only Cardinal can shoot.
I think that the best pro prospect on Florida is center Al Horford, who is much stronger, athletic, and just as good running the floor, passing, and blocking shots as Noah. So why is no one comparing him to Magic Johnson? That comparison is so stupid, I hope Johnson is offended. Johnson is one of the five greatest basketball players ever to walk the earth.
Also, Corey Brewer has a nice shot, pretty good athleticism, and plays really nice D, but he can't create his own shot to save his life and is below average at handling the ball. Also, he is skinny and weak.
Their point guard, Taurean Green, played a nice game, but he is too content to sit at the top of the key and launch flat looking three pointers early in the shot clock. Also, what is with the skin?
But the main reason I'm upset about Florida? That Noah is so fucking ugly. He has awful acne, a huge gap between his front teeth, and terrible woman hair. He looks like he came from Three Mile Island for Christ's sake. And we get it - his dad played tennis, no one cares because no one gives a fuck about tennis. And isn't he from France or something? Or maybe Brooklyn? So why in the fuck was he telling Harlem to "stand up" after the game was over? I'm guessing he heard it in a rap song and thought it sounded cool.
He thought he was cool during the game, too, and was winking at UCLA cheerleaders. I could practically hear them vomit from my house. UCLA cheerleaders probably can have any guy they want, so what would they want with an extra from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video? What a sick-looking freak. They could find better looking guys at the LA homeless shelter if they wanted.
Labels: basketball
posted by guru at 8:43 PM
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