Don't ever, ever reproduce if.... (part 1)
I know that this list will eliminate a lot of people from reproducing, but... that's the fucking point. You stupid morons need to stop having so many kids, the world is being overrun with idiots and douchebags. Onto the list. Please, don't reproduce if...
1. You watch NASCAR. Already covered why.
2. You listen to Rascal Flatts. Three fat fucks with frosted hair and bad falsetto = triple platinum recording artists? Bands like this are why lists like this exist. Air Supply was more hardcore than these fags.
3. You watch MTV. Already covered why.
4. You own cats. No need to explain.
5. You hang beads or dice or something gay from your car mirror. Why would anyone do this? "Oh, these are my beads from when me and girls were out partying... we party so hard." No one cares, no one is impressed that you showed off your sub-standard tits for a shitty plastic necklace. Good-bye dignity. I hope those beads/ dice/ whatever get in your line of sight and cause you to crash your car.
6. You have a MySpace page. There are two exceptions to this one. First - if you are under 16, go ahead. After that, you get your license and go out and start drinking and dick-slapping whores. Second, if you are famous, and you don't really run your MySpace page, but use it for promotional reasons. Everyone else is fucking sad. "Oooh, look at me, I have 19 friends on MySpace! Surely this will fill the gaping void in my personal life, while at the same time disguising the fact that I have no personality. I think I'll go leave a message for Brady Quinn! He totally let me on his friends list! He's so fucking hot!" Stupid assholes. They really think that Brady Quinn, or Paul McCartney is sitting at a computer deciding who he wants to be his internet friends. Wake up, jerks.
7. You voted for George W. Bush. The first time, I'll let stand. But for a second term? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're all a bunch of hopeless, low I.Q. assholes.
8. You vote for any American Idol contestant. Watching is bad enough, but spending money to vote on a karaoke contest is bordering on mental retardation.
9. You own a cowboy hat, and you're not a cowboy. Cowboys get to wear cowboy hats. That's why they're called "cowboy hats". It never fails to go to a music festival or something, and hundreds of fucking ass-clowns are walking around with Kenny Chesney t-shirts and a fucking 10 gallon hat. Or lame chicks who think putting on a cowboy hat and dancing around to "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" is awesome and hot or something. It's not. Again, it's a COWBOY hat. When they invent a "idiotic, impressionable, personality-challenged douche" hat, you'll be the first to know.
10. You watch "Grey's Anatomy". This goes double if you call it "Grey's". For this, I will smash your face with a shovel. This is the worst, sappiest, shittest, most annoying show on TV right now, something I never thought I would say about another show as long as "Desperate Housewives" was still on the air. On this show, adding the prefix "mc" in front of every word equals comedy. Examples that fans of this show use in everyday life:
"My ass hurts from getting Mcbutt-fucked last night."
"My Mcvagina is loose and flappy. And it smells."
"I can't get this brown stuff off of my Mcteeth."
"I can't believe I Mcate the whole thing at once."
"Those animals are so fucking Mcfunny."
Guess what? This show Mcsucks my giant Mcballs. Fucking Mcjerks. There is plenty more to come. Or is there?
There is. Unless....
No really. Tons more.
1. You watch NASCAR. Already covered why.
2. You listen to Rascal Flatts. Three fat fucks with frosted hair and bad falsetto = triple platinum recording artists? Bands like this are why lists like this exist. Air Supply was more hardcore than these fags.
3. You watch MTV. Already covered why.
4. You own cats. No need to explain.
5. You hang beads or dice or something gay from your car mirror. Why would anyone do this? "Oh, these are my beads from when me and girls were out partying... we party so hard." No one cares, no one is impressed that you showed off your sub-standard tits for a shitty plastic necklace. Good-bye dignity. I hope those beads/ dice/ whatever get in your line of sight and cause you to crash your car.
6. You have a MySpace page. There are two exceptions to this one. First - if you are under 16, go ahead. After that, you get your license and go out and start drinking and dick-slapping whores. Second, if you are famous, and you don't really run your MySpace page, but use it for promotional reasons. Everyone else is fucking sad. "Oooh, look at me, I have 19 friends on MySpace! Surely this will fill the gaping void in my personal life, while at the same time disguising the fact that I have no personality. I think I'll go leave a message for Brady Quinn! He totally let me on his friends list! He's so fucking hot!" Stupid assholes. They really think that Brady Quinn, or Paul McCartney is sitting at a computer deciding who he wants to be his internet friends. Wake up, jerks.
7. You voted for George W. Bush. The first time, I'll let stand. But for a second term? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're all a bunch of hopeless, low I.Q. assholes.
8. You vote for any American Idol contestant. Watching is bad enough, but spending money to vote on a karaoke contest is bordering on mental retardation.
9. You own a cowboy hat, and you're not a cowboy. Cowboys get to wear cowboy hats. That's why they're called "cowboy hats". It never fails to go to a music festival or something, and hundreds of fucking ass-clowns are walking around with Kenny Chesney t-shirts and a fucking 10 gallon hat. Or lame chicks who think putting on a cowboy hat and dancing around to "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" is awesome and hot or something. It's not. Again, it's a COWBOY hat. When they invent a "idiotic, impressionable, personality-challenged douche" hat, you'll be the first to know.
10. You watch "Grey's Anatomy". This goes double if you call it "Grey's". For this, I will smash your face with a shovel. This is the worst, sappiest, shittest, most annoying show on TV right now, something I never thought I would say about another show as long as "Desperate Housewives" was still on the air. On this show, adding the prefix "mc" in front of every word equals comedy. Examples that fans of this show use in everyday life:
"My ass hurts from getting Mcbutt-fucked last night."
"My Mcvagina is loose and flappy. And it smells."
"I can't get this brown stuff off of my Mcteeth."
"I can't believe I Mcate the whole thing at once."
"Those animals are so fucking Mcfunny."
Guess what? This show Mcsucks my giant Mcballs. Fucking Mcjerks. There is plenty more to come. Or is there?
There is. Unless....
No really. Tons more.
Labels: jerks, reproduction
posted by guru at 6:36 PM
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