Hank, you're so awesome!
Dear Hank Steinbrenner,
First off, awesome name. Seriously, Hank? You must get mad pussy. Second, nice job being a hard-ass. I mean, no one believes you, and everyone secretly laughs at you, but it's the effort that counts. Your hard-ass deadline was pure awesome when you said it to the best player in baseball (even though you recanted and paid him anyway). It was fucking DOUBLE AWESOME when you said it to the best pitcher in the league. I mean, fuck him if he can't decide fast enough for you! Tough shit if there's other teams out there bidding on him as well! He should take your fucking offer! Doesn't he realize you work for the fucking YANKEES? Jesus H. Christ! He should take it if you offered him a hot dog and a used rubber! What an asshole!
So what if you alienated him. So what if you basically gave the Twins, and Santana's agent, all the reason they needed to send him to Boston. Big deal! It's not like their pitching staff will be any good with him anyway. The important thing is that you, Hank Henry Steinbrenner, come out of this looking tough. Because Yankees are tough. Even if it means being a fucking moron. Good for you, not being played against Boston - you tell 'em! That has never happened ever before, and now, because of you, it will never happen again. They'll probably put your face on the hundred dollar bill now. Probably. Fuck off, Ben Franklin! Hank is comin'!
(My fucking God you are a fuckfaced asshole, I hope you get ass cancer you worthless, brainless piece of shit. Why don't you just hand Boston the fucking championship next year, as if those assholes need any more reason to act like assholes. You are a stupid, ignorant moron. Jesus, I never thought that anyone could have been a bigger fuckup than your old man, but congrats! Enjoy second place for the next 8-10 years, douche.)
Sincerely,
everyone who cares about baseball
First off, awesome name. Seriously, Hank? You must get mad pussy. Second, nice job being a hard-ass. I mean, no one believes you, and everyone secretly laughs at you, but it's the effort that counts. Your hard-ass deadline was pure awesome when you said it to the best player in baseball (even though you recanted and paid him anyway). It was fucking DOUBLE AWESOME when you said it to the best pitcher in the league. I mean, fuck him if he can't decide fast enough for you! Tough shit if there's other teams out there bidding on him as well! He should take your fucking offer! Doesn't he realize you work for the fucking YANKEES? Jesus H. Christ! He should take it if you offered him a hot dog and a used rubber! What an asshole!
So what if you alienated him. So what if you basically gave the Twins, and Santana's agent, all the reason they needed to send him to Boston. Big deal! It's not like their pitching staff will be any good with him anyway. The important thing is that you, Hank Henry Steinbrenner, come out of this looking tough. Because Yankees are tough. Even if it means being a fucking moron. Good for you, not being played against Boston - you tell 'em! That has never happened ever before, and now, because of you, it will never happen again. They'll probably put your face on the hundred dollar bill now. Probably. Fuck off, Ben Franklin! Hank is comin'!
(My fucking God you are a fuckfaced asshole, I hope you get ass cancer you worthless, brainless piece of shit. Why don't you just hand Boston the fucking championship next year, as if those assholes need any more reason to act like assholes. You are a stupid, ignorant moron. Jesus, I never thought that anyone could have been a bigger fuckup than your old man, but congrats! Enjoy second place for the next 8-10 years, douche.)
Sincerely,
everyone who cares about baseball
posted by guru at 9:59 AM
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