Don't reproduce if... (part 2)
a quick update on how to keep idiots from overpopulating the world:
11. You watch "Deal or No Deal". I can't condone this in any fashion. Why don't they just call it "opening briefcases super terrific douche hour"? It would at least sound cool. People who are entertained by this are the same people who watch soap operas. It's stupid. Knock it off.
12. You cheer for colleges that you didn't attend, especially Notre Dame. Come on. Just because you ate breakfast at an IHOP in Cleveland once doesn't mean you're an honorary OSU Buckeye. You're embarassing yourself. And especially in the case of Notre Dame... I mean, I can kind of understand it if you went there, but... otherwise, why? I can't understand. EVERYONE hates Notre Dame. EVERYONE.
13. You think fad diets are the key to weight loss. At what point did humanity become so stupid and lazy that we decided that the hamburger bun is worse for us than the hamburger? I am glad Dr. Atkins is dead, otherwise I would off him myself for starting this whole bullshit "no carbs" movement. You want a way to lose some weight, fat ass? Stop eating so much. Also, a little exercise wouldn't kill you either, you fat fucking slobs. Stop eating butterburgers and stretching out the ass on your jeans and go for a run if you're fat. Fuck.
14. You DON'T watch "South Park". This show is awesome. People who don't like it say it goes too far, it's gross, it offends just for the sake of offending. They are wrong. Maybe it is gross, that's subjective; but the point of "going too far" is to show you that there is no such thing. It stampedes across the invisible lines of conduct that govern our wussy, politically correct social infrastructure to show you how absurd those lines are in the first place. Like the show says, "either it's all okay to make fun of, or none of it is." Take a pick, you self-absorbed, humorless dicks. You don't like South Park? Well, then you don't like intelligent satire. This, by definition, makes you a moron.
15. You dance. Or like dancing. Dancing is about the most ridiculous thing that human beings do. You look fucking stupid when you do it. All white girls dance the same anyway, with their arms stretched up over their head, shaking their hips. That barely even counts as dancing. It's stupid. You're a fuckfaced moron if you've ever uttered the following phrases:
"Let's dance."
"I love dancing."
"That's such a cool dance."
"I wish I could dance like that."
"This song makes me want to dance."
"I love 'Sex & the City'. That show is hilarious."
Okay, that last one has nothing to do with dancing but is still true. I will close with a short bit from an episode of "Seinfeld", on dancing:
Jerry's girlfriend: (shocked, excited) You've never been dancing before?
Jerry: (overly enthusiastic to the point of sarcasm) No - because it's so stupid!
Pretty much sums it up right there. Much more on the way.
11. You watch "Deal or No Deal". I can't condone this in any fashion. Why don't they just call it "opening briefcases super terrific douche hour"? It would at least sound cool. People who are entertained by this are the same people who watch soap operas. It's stupid. Knock it off.
12. You cheer for colleges that you didn't attend, especially Notre Dame. Come on. Just because you ate breakfast at an IHOP in Cleveland once doesn't mean you're an honorary OSU Buckeye. You're embarassing yourself. And especially in the case of Notre Dame... I mean, I can kind of understand it if you went there, but... otherwise, why? I can't understand. EVERYONE hates Notre Dame. EVERYONE.
13. You think fad diets are the key to weight loss. At what point did humanity become so stupid and lazy that we decided that the hamburger bun is worse for us than the hamburger? I am glad Dr. Atkins is dead, otherwise I would off him myself for starting this whole bullshit "no carbs" movement. You want a way to lose some weight, fat ass? Stop eating so much. Also, a little exercise wouldn't kill you either, you fat fucking slobs. Stop eating butterburgers and stretching out the ass on your jeans and go for a run if you're fat. Fuck.
14. You DON'T watch "South Park". This show is awesome. People who don't like it say it goes too far, it's gross, it offends just for the sake of offending. They are wrong. Maybe it is gross, that's subjective; but the point of "going too far" is to show you that there is no such thing. It stampedes across the invisible lines of conduct that govern our wussy, politically correct social infrastructure to show you how absurd those lines are in the first place. Like the show says, "either it's all okay to make fun of, or none of it is." Take a pick, you self-absorbed, humorless dicks. You don't like South Park? Well, then you don't like intelligent satire. This, by definition, makes you a moron.
15. You dance. Or like dancing. Dancing is about the most ridiculous thing that human beings do. You look fucking stupid when you do it. All white girls dance the same anyway, with their arms stretched up over their head, shaking their hips. That barely even counts as dancing. It's stupid. You're a fuckfaced moron if you've ever uttered the following phrases:
"Let's dance."
"I love dancing."
"That's such a cool dance."
"I wish I could dance like that."
"This song makes me want to dance."
"I love 'Sex & the City'. That show is hilarious."
Okay, that last one has nothing to do with dancing but is still true. I will close with a short bit from an episode of "Seinfeld", on dancing:
Jerry's girlfriend: (shocked, excited) You've never been dancing before?
Jerry: (overly enthusiastic to the point of sarcasm) No - because it's so stupid!
Pretty much sums it up right there. Much more on the way.
Labels: jerks, reproduction
posted by guru at 3:41 PM
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