Things I hate about basketball
Number one on this list was going to be Joey Crawford, but... you know. Anyhoo, basketball is my favorite sport to watch and play. Playoff time is my favorite time of year. But their are some things about the game that make me want to throw my shoe through the TV and hang myself. Here they are.
Whistle-happy referees. Keep the fucking thing in your pocket, no one came to an NBA game to see Violet Palmer blow her fucking whistle. In game 3 of Detroit / Orlando tonight, 4 fouls were called on Flip Murray and Keyon Dooling (two apiece) in a span of about 23 seconds (give or take). Two completely inconsequential players eating up minute after minute of my time when all I want is for this shitty game to be over with so the Suns / Lakers game could start. Knock it off, you jerks. And Joey Crawford - fuck you, buddy. Long overdue.
Slow it down! What I mean by this is after a team makes a basket, instead of letting the other team take it out of bounds to throw it into their point guard and start down the floor, the team that just made the basket will grab the ball, throwing it to the ref instead. This impedes the flow of the game and is just plain annoying. Yeah, no one wants to watch Phoenix fast break anyway, why don't you just go ahead and take the extra 2 seconds to set up your shitty defense, you shitfaced cock-masters.
Dick Vitale. I hate him. I fucking hate every word that comes out of his mouth. He was a shitty coach, and he's an even shittier announcer. I hope he chokes.
Annoying energy guys. This idea came to me while watching Ronny Turiaf on the sidelines, in full warmup gear, dancing around, and doing fruity little cheers, joking around with his teammates. This tool probably sees like 6 minutes of garbage time per game, yet he never fucking sits down. Knock it off, you look like an ass.
Lakers fans. Pompous douches in every sense of the word. Washed up, hacky celebrities like Dyan Cannon and Ryan O'Neal dispensing advice on "what's wrong with the Lakers?" Who cares what they think? And who the fuck is Dyan Cannon? I know what's wrong with the Lakers - they suck cock. And Jack is the shit, but come on. Is he really allowed to cheer for the Lakers and the Yankees, the two most visible and glamorous franchises in the history of pro sports? Isn't there some kind of law against this? Give me a fucking break. The Raples Center is full of cocks.
Oh, and you assholes can stop the "MVP!" chants whenever Kobe is on the line. Never gonna happen. Not in this fuckin life.
Team spirit. I don't mean that really, but one thing does bug me - when a player is down, why can't they accept the hand of an opposing player to help them back up? They're making a nice gesture. Waiting for a teammate to do the same thing 12 seconds later is really a meathead thing to do. And that's really more of a football thing. That sport is full of fucking meatheads.
WNBA commercials. Stop it. Just stop it already.
Whistle-happy referees. Keep the fucking thing in your pocket, no one came to an NBA game to see Violet Palmer blow her fucking whistle. In game 3 of Detroit / Orlando tonight, 4 fouls were called on Flip Murray and Keyon Dooling (two apiece) in a span of about 23 seconds (give or take). Two completely inconsequential players eating up minute after minute of my time when all I want is for this shitty game to be over with so the Suns / Lakers game could start. Knock it off, you jerks. And Joey Crawford - fuck you, buddy. Long overdue.
Slow it down! What I mean by this is after a team makes a basket, instead of letting the other team take it out of bounds to throw it into their point guard and start down the floor, the team that just made the basket will grab the ball, throwing it to the ref instead. This impedes the flow of the game and is just plain annoying. Yeah, no one wants to watch Phoenix fast break anyway, why don't you just go ahead and take the extra 2 seconds to set up your shitty defense, you shitfaced cock-masters.
Dick Vitale. I hate him. I fucking hate every word that comes out of his mouth. He was a shitty coach, and he's an even shittier announcer. I hope he chokes.
Annoying energy guys. This idea came to me while watching Ronny Turiaf on the sidelines, in full warmup gear, dancing around, and doing fruity little cheers, joking around with his teammates. This tool probably sees like 6 minutes of garbage time per game, yet he never fucking sits down. Knock it off, you look like an ass.
Lakers fans. Pompous douches in every sense of the word. Washed up, hacky celebrities like Dyan Cannon and Ryan O'Neal dispensing advice on "what's wrong with the Lakers?" Who cares what they think? And who the fuck is Dyan Cannon? I know what's wrong with the Lakers - they suck cock. And Jack is the shit, but come on. Is he really allowed to cheer for the Lakers and the Yankees, the two most visible and glamorous franchises in the history of pro sports? Isn't there some kind of law against this? Give me a fucking break. The Raples Center is full of cocks.
Oh, and you assholes can stop the "MVP!" chants whenever Kobe is on the line. Never gonna happen. Not in this fuckin life.
Team spirit. I don't mean that really, but one thing does bug me - when a player is down, why can't they accept the hand of an opposing player to help them back up? They're making a nice gesture. Waiting for a teammate to do the same thing 12 seconds later is really a meathead thing to do. And that's really more of a football thing. That sport is full of fucking meatheads.
WNBA commercials. Stop it. Just stop it already.
Labels: basketball
posted by guru at 8:47 PM
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