You're a bunch of fucking pussies
If you are a hunter, that is.
Worthless, completely worthless. Hunting is one of those great American things that is so latently homoerotic that most people can't even see it. Sitting around in the woods, isolated, with a bunch of guys, drinking all day and maybe shooting something? Sounds like fucking deliverance to me. And most people only hunt shit that you should kill with your bare hands.
Bird hunting? I agree, birds are fucking worthless, and annoying as shit when you're trying to sleep one off and they start their fucking chirping at 4 AM. But if you want to kill a bird, don't shoot it. Do it like a fucking man and throw a rock at it, and step on it's head after you knock it down. Or start it on fire with a lighter and a can of aerosol. Or grab the fucker out of the air and throw it in the woodchipper. Or, if you're like me, just run around, kicking up bugs (which will bait the birds into diving low enough) and then hit them with a fucking tennis racket. Birds are stupid. They aren't dangerous. You don't need a gun to kill them.
Deer hunting is almost as bad. Luring deer with corn and shit, and then shooting them from an elevated position? Worthless. I can't believe so many people do this! I will agree, the meat is fucking delicious, but I will not kill a deer unless I tackle it and beat it to death with my fists. Deer are pussies. All they do is prance around. If you don't kill a deer with your car or your hands, you are a fag. And the lengths that people go to in order to "fool" deer, with scenting stuff, noisemakers, camoflauge, and whatever else are absurd. It's like fighting a mosquito with a bazooka. And then these sexually insecure dumbasses display the heads on their walls and offer psuedoerotic tales of male bonding while hunting as if they are badges of honor. Truly pathetic.
You can't even call it hunting unless you are trying to murder something that can also kill you, like cape buffalo, lions, or another human. If whatever you are trying to kill cannot eat you, like a fucking grizzly bear, then you are a failure as a human. Unless you are native American or a survivalist who is hunting because they have no other source of food, hunting non-dangerous game is the fastest way for me to question your sexuality. Don't like it? Fight me.
You wanna kill me? You've got the right to try. At least I'm not a fucking deer, you asswipe.
Worthless, completely worthless. Hunting is one of those great American things that is so latently homoerotic that most people can't even see it. Sitting around in the woods, isolated, with a bunch of guys, drinking all day and maybe shooting something? Sounds like fucking deliverance to me. And most people only hunt shit that you should kill with your bare hands.
Bird hunting? I agree, birds are fucking worthless, and annoying as shit when you're trying to sleep one off and they start their fucking chirping at 4 AM. But if you want to kill a bird, don't shoot it. Do it like a fucking man and throw a rock at it, and step on it's head after you knock it down. Or start it on fire with a lighter and a can of aerosol. Or grab the fucker out of the air and throw it in the woodchipper. Or, if you're like me, just run around, kicking up bugs (which will bait the birds into diving low enough) and then hit them with a fucking tennis racket. Birds are stupid. They aren't dangerous. You don't need a gun to kill them.
Deer hunting is almost as bad. Luring deer with corn and shit, and then shooting them from an elevated position? Worthless. I can't believe so many people do this! I will agree, the meat is fucking delicious, but I will not kill a deer unless I tackle it and beat it to death with my fists. Deer are pussies. All they do is prance around. If you don't kill a deer with your car or your hands, you are a fag. And the lengths that people go to in order to "fool" deer, with scenting stuff, noisemakers, camoflauge, and whatever else are absurd. It's like fighting a mosquito with a bazooka. And then these sexually insecure dumbasses display the heads on their walls and offer psuedoerotic tales of male bonding while hunting as if they are badges of honor. Truly pathetic.
You can't even call it hunting unless you are trying to murder something that can also kill you, like cape buffalo, lions, or another human. If whatever you are trying to kill cannot eat you, like a fucking grizzly bear, then you are a failure as a human. Unless you are native American or a survivalist who is hunting because they have no other source of food, hunting non-dangerous game is the fastest way for me to question your sexuality. Don't like it? Fight me.
You wanna kill me? You've got the right to try. At least I'm not a fucking deer, you asswipe.
posted by guru at 8:07 PM
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