It's horrible... just horrible

Tyler Perry's House of Payne.

This is the worst fucking TV show of all time.

Worse than QVC or the Home Shopping Network.

Worse than some shitty religious show.

Worse than Grey's Anatomy, Friends, and Sex & The City. Combined.

Worse than any reality show ever made, worse than any shitty show made up by MTV and marketed towards 13 year old girls with low self esteem.

This is it, people. The end. The end of TV.

A fat black guy sang a prayer to God, thanking him for chicken. Fried chicken with hot sauce. Because all black people obviously love chicken. Cue laughter.

Some guy's wife had been stealing money for weeks. The rest of the family suspected that she was "on crack", which was meant to be a joke, I think. The audience didn't laugh much, (they didn't laugh much through the entire show - it was silent and awkward, like they didn't know if what was being said was actually a joke or not. Either that, or it was the worst laugh track in the history of TV) but they rehashed the joke about 20 times. And then.... she actually turned out to be on crack.

Seriously. A character in a sitcome was on crack. Because black people are prone to crack, right? Because of its accessability and affordability, right?

Jesus Christ. The lady burned down their fucking house with a crack pipe. She took money from her own 12ish year old kid, to buy crack. This was after he said, "Mom, I'm old enough... I know what's going on. Take it."

She took it. She was going to go buy crack with her 12ish year old son's money. For real. She was crying and shit. This is supposed to be a sitcom.

It is the worst fucking show ever created by humans.

Tyler Perry, I hate your guts. You suck at writing, directing, producing, and acting. You are the single most unentertaining celebrity in Hollywood today, and that is saying something. Even Dane Cook is better than you. Even Steve-O is better. And he's an asshole who I would stab if I had the chance. Your show made me uncomfortable to the point of nausea. I would rather walk in on my grandparents having anal sex than see another minute of the abortion that you call "House of Payne" (awesome play on words). That would be less awkward and horrible.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Really. It is probably the worst thing to happen to humanity since the Holocaust. Why aren't black people outraged at this show? Seriously.

Stop putting your name in front of everything you put out, it all sucks. Your movies, your shows, whatever. You're worse than Nick Cannon and R. Kelly combined.

I will punch your throat if I ever meet you, Tyler Perry.

Fatty, fatty, fat, fat!

I came across a funny quote in an issue of People Magazine (I know it's fucking gay, it wasn't my magazine, I hate celebrities like I hate poison) and there was a funny quote by a person named Nia Vardalos. Who the fuck is she, you ask? I didn't know either, but apparently she was the star and possibly writer of some shitty movie called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", which I never have and never will see. The magazine asked her about her recent weight loss, possibly for a movie or something, and the exchange went like this:

Are you at your goal weight?
I'm average size in America, size 8 to 10. I don't want to go lower, or be any part of the message that "thin is better." I urge women to do more than make their talent "I can eat less than you."

Wow, that's a lot of stupidity. Let's take it in one thought at a time. Keep in mind this is the human who conceived the film "My Big FAT Greek Wedding".

"I'm average size in America, size 8 to 10."
Translation: "God, I'm so fat."
That wasn't the question, fatass. By avoiding it, you have basically stated you are not as thin as you would like to be. Also, the whole "average size" thing is horseshit. The "average" male height in America is 5'8". But seriously, that is fucking short. That makes me a fucking half a foot taller than average, and I'm not even that tall. And finally, being size 8 to 10 makes you closer to fat than skinny. Fatty.

"I don't want to go any lower..."
Translation: "I'm too lazy to go any lower, so I'll act like I'm happy the way I am."
Of course you do. Why do you have to lie?

"...or be any part of the message that 'thin is better'."
Thin is better. It's healthier to be thin than fat. Being fat is unhealthy. It makes your heart work harder... oh fuck it. People like this bitch and Tyra Banks are trying to spearhead a movement of "it's OK to be fat" when it isn't. It's unhealthy, not to mention unnapealing. If you don't want to be in shape for the benefit of the opposite sex, at least do it for your own health, instead of making shitty excuses, you fat whores.

"I urge women to do more than make their talent 'I can eat less than you'."
Translation: "I hate skinny girls who don't have huge appetites. I wish everyone was fat so I wouldn't be considered a disgusting cow. I'd get in better shape, but exercise is so hard, and I'm awfully busy..."

1. That's not a talent. No woman has ever said that. Ever.
2. Amount of eating isn't the only thing that relates to weight. Its what you eat.
3. Stop eating Butter Burgers.
4. I'm glad that a talentless nobody is urging women to not be slim. Real awesome idea.

God, is this so hard to understand? I hate fat people. Listen, have you ever been attracted to someone who was fat? Or even "average"? Come on! You all make me sick, go on a diet and shut the fuck up you fat bitch. Take your preachy bullshit somewhere else.

Fatty.