Sean Kingston = fat, terrible at everything
I hate Sean Kingston and his shitty song "Beautiful Girls". I think its about how some hot girl broke up with him and made him suicidal or something, but there are several flaws in his music. One would be that it sucks. Hard. I'm sure Ben E. King is thrilled at the sampling of "Stand By Me". Second, he is fat. Beautiful girls don't go for fat homos like Sean Kingston. And perhaps, you could argue, that beauty is subjective... but that is a nice way of saying that beauty to a fatty like him is mediocre or worse to the rest of us. Third... well, this isn't a flaw in his music, but if he was so suicidal, why didn't he just off himself and spare us all the indignation of hearing this fucking shitty song proclaimed "the song of the summer". It is generic and terrible and filled with so many "gimme rhymes" (think rhyming "high" with "sky") that it should be banned from radio and TV forever. Here is a dissection of it.
see it started at the park / used to chill after dark
oh when you took my heart / that's when we fell apart
Good start with gimme rhyme #1, "park" and "dark". Way to get a jump on things.
cause we both thought / that love lasts forever
Remember the "forever" for later. If you can think of the most obvious word to rhyme with "forever", than congratulations - you can write songs just like this fat ass. Also, that is corny and weak.
they say we're too young / to get ourselves sprung
oh we didn't care / we made it very clear
This barely rhymes. Fail.
they also said / that we couldn't last together
BAM! There it is! "together" and "forever", one of the oldest and lamest gimme rhymes of all time! That's #2, and still in the first verse! I'm excited!
see it's very divine
What is? That doesn't mean anything in this context, unless you just picked the word "divine" in order to...
you're one of a kind / but you mush up my mind / you have to get declined
you sneaky, fat bitch! You snuck in three gimme rhymes in a row. Because I'm such a swell guy, I'll only count it once. That's three, beefy tits. Also why does she have to get declined? For a bank loan? Credit card? That's sort of a financial word... this song declines to not be shitty.
oh lord... my baby is driving me crazy
don't bitch to him about it. Take care of your own fucking problems, fat ass, and punch your stupid girlfriend in the teeth if she cocks off. That is one generic, shitty line too. How many songs have been written with that line or some variation in it? About 40 billion? Well done. Off to the next verse!
it was back in '99 / watchin movies all the time
oh when I went away / for doin my first crime
strangely, this is one of the few non gimmes in the entire song, which doesn't make it good, but still. The reason it's annoying is....
Sean Kingston: born February 3, 1990.
He went away for "doing his first crime" when he was 9. I know a lot of musicians try to make themselves sound tough to get credibility that they haven't earned, but this is just horrible by any standard. I like how he says "first crime" implying that it's the first of many. I'm sure the old lady at the fudge shop had to chase fat ass little fucktard Sean out of her store when his "taste tests" go out of hand, but a crime? I'm not sure about that.
oh I'm with my girl / who I thought was my world
Gimme rhyme #4. Sure doesn't believe in wasting time, does he? I've never heard anybody rhyme "girl" with "world" before! Get this man's Grammy ready!
now we're fussin / and now we're fighting
please tell me why / I'm feeling slighted
and I don't know / how to make it better
only included for you to remember the word "better" for later...
you're dating other guys / you're tellin me lies
oh I can't believe / what I'm seeing with my eyes
I'm losing my mind / and I don't think it's clever
And he hits us with gimme rhyme #5, "better" and "clever". And, just for effect, he throws in "lies" and "eyes". Of course you're seeing it with your eyes, asshole. What the fuck else are you going to see it with? That's like saying, "I can't believe what I'm hearing with my ears" or "I can't believe who I just fucked with my schlong!" And, if she has moved on and is dating other guys, maybe it's time to give it up. Move on to your next huge embarrassing failure. Also, why would you think it was "clever"? No one would be insulted or hurt by something and then say, "well, that was pretty fucking clever after all! Son of a bitch!" It's not so much the litany of gimme rhymes that is annoying, it's that they're only there to rhyme, but are passed of as part of the "story" of the song. It's just dumb. Add that to the fact that he was discovered on MySpace (breeding ground for lame asses, jerks and pedophiles the world over, and the beginning of the end of western civilization) and you have one fat, useless, shitty douche with a big pair of hooters.
And people probably will say "he's only 17, give him a break", or "like you could write a better song, asshole." To that, I say:
No. I won't give him a break because of his age. He is seeking out fame for being a singer / songwriter and he sucks at both. Fuck him. He shouldn't be held to any different standards because he is young and retarded.
And, yes. Yes I could write a better song. Definitely. I think almost anyone could.
see it started at the park / used to chill after dark
oh when you took my heart / that's when we fell apart
Good start with gimme rhyme #1, "park" and "dark". Way to get a jump on things.
cause we both thought / that love lasts forever
Remember the "forever" for later. If you can think of the most obvious word to rhyme with "forever", than congratulations - you can write songs just like this fat ass. Also, that is corny and weak.
they say we're too young / to get ourselves sprung
oh we didn't care / we made it very clear
This barely rhymes. Fail.
they also said / that we couldn't last together
BAM! There it is! "together" and "forever", one of the oldest and lamest gimme rhymes of all time! That's #2, and still in the first verse! I'm excited!
see it's very divine
What is? That doesn't mean anything in this context, unless you just picked the word "divine" in order to...
you're one of a kind / but you mush up my mind / you have to get declined
you sneaky, fat bitch! You snuck in three gimme rhymes in a row. Because I'm such a swell guy, I'll only count it once. That's three, beefy tits. Also why does she have to get declined? For a bank loan? Credit card? That's sort of a financial word... this song declines to not be shitty.
oh lord... my baby is driving me crazy
don't bitch to him about it. Take care of your own fucking problems, fat ass, and punch your stupid girlfriend in the teeth if she cocks off. That is one generic, shitty line too. How many songs have been written with that line or some variation in it? About 40 billion? Well done. Off to the next verse!
it was back in '99 / watchin movies all the time
oh when I went away / for doin my first crime
strangely, this is one of the few non gimmes in the entire song, which doesn't make it good, but still. The reason it's annoying is....
Sean Kingston: born February 3, 1990.
He went away for "doing his first crime" when he was 9. I know a lot of musicians try to make themselves sound tough to get credibility that they haven't earned, but this is just horrible by any standard. I like how he says "first crime" implying that it's the first of many. I'm sure the old lady at the fudge shop had to chase fat ass little fucktard Sean out of her store when his "taste tests" go out of hand, but a crime? I'm not sure about that.
oh I'm with my girl / who I thought was my world
Gimme rhyme #4. Sure doesn't believe in wasting time, does he? I've never heard anybody rhyme "girl" with "world" before! Get this man's Grammy ready!
now we're fussin / and now we're fighting
please tell me why / I'm feeling slighted
and I don't know / how to make it better
only included for you to remember the word "better" for later...
you're dating other guys / you're tellin me lies
oh I can't believe / what I'm seeing with my eyes
I'm losing my mind / and I don't think it's clever
And he hits us with gimme rhyme #5, "better" and "clever". And, just for effect, he throws in "lies" and "eyes". Of course you're seeing it with your eyes, asshole. What the fuck else are you going to see it with? That's like saying, "I can't believe what I'm hearing with my ears" or "I can't believe who I just fucked with my schlong!" And, if she has moved on and is dating other guys, maybe it's time to give it up. Move on to your next huge embarrassing failure. Also, why would you think it was "clever"? No one would be insulted or hurt by something and then say, "well, that was pretty fucking clever after all! Son of a bitch!" It's not so much the litany of gimme rhymes that is annoying, it's that they're only there to rhyme, but are passed of as part of the "story" of the song. It's just dumb. Add that to the fact that he was discovered on MySpace (breeding ground for lame asses, jerks and pedophiles the world over, and the beginning of the end of western civilization) and you have one fat, useless, shitty douche with a big pair of hooters.
And people probably will say "he's only 17, give him a break", or "like you could write a better song, asshole." To that, I say:
No. I won't give him a break because of his age. He is seeking out fame for being a singer / songwriter and he sucks at both. Fuck him. He shouldn't be held to any different standards because he is young and retarded.
And, yes. Yes I could write a better song. Definitely. I think almost anyone could.
posted by guru at 8:29 PM
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